Well I made it through the first week of work, although I only JUST made it, and had to leave early on Thursday with a migraine, which was pretty disappointing as I didn't want to come across as a slacker.  Hey ho, I think the stress of the week got to me, whilst we had a lovely time away for the weekend before, adding that to Ben's party and then all the organising of the kids etc, it was probably a bit much for me.  I return to the office tomorrow and I'm not too down about it, I think the job won't be brilliant, but it will be generally OK.  I am capable of the technical stuff, whilst it will take me a while to get to know the key ones I think I can work with the managers.  I just hope I manage to settle into the department OK.  I think it is only now that I am mourning the redundancy from the old job, as I realise how hard it is to leave a place when you don't really choose to.  Starting a new job is easier when you chose to leave the last one, because you aren't looking back with rose tinted glasses.

I have definitely enjoyed my time with the kids more, and today they were absolutely gorgeous.  It's full on getting them up and out of the house in the morning - and I know Paul finds it hard getting them home and sorted, but they seemed fine with things last week, Ben loved his extra time at nursery -helped by the fact that they went Christmas mad, so he was helping with decorating the place!  becca seemed fine too and was in the best mood she's been in.  So we just have to hope that continues.

Ah well, 2 weeks till Christmas break :-)

Time has flown past and the end is nigh.  Well not the end, more the beginning, but part of me also feels like it is the end.  Having been made redundant when I was pregnant with Ben I was relieved of that "returning to work from maternity leave" feeling.  Despite a brief foray into the world of work with a local posh hairdressing chain and the consultancy work, I've not really had to deal with the proper challenge of juggling a job and kids.  This all changes next week as I return to the coal face and start to attempt to juggle a 3 day a week job with 2 kids.  I've got mixed feelings if I'm honest.  I'm sad that I will be leaving my kids in childcare 3 days a week, until late when it's dark.  I'm terrified of having to get them up, fed, dressed and out of the house with a deadline, and I have NO IDEA how I will manage the house stuff without a bit of time to myself in the week to get things sorted.  That said, I am looking forward to having a mental challenge, adult company without the constant interruptions, not having to sweep under and clean the dinner table 3 times a day, and being able to listen to my choice of music in the car for 1 hour a day as I travel to and from work.
I'm lucky in that I only have 3 weeks of work before I get the Christmas break so hopefully it will be a gentler introduction.  We'll see,  wish me luck.....

well that was a bit of a shit week what with having an ill son, an ill husband, being ill myself and having a happy, bouncy little girl into the mix.  This was supposed to be my first week of freedom after having finished my work, and having 3 weeks before I start work.  I managed 2 hours in town on tuesday shopping but other than that it didn't quite happen.  Ben was clearly not well when I picked him up after nursery on Tuesday, by Wednesday he was grim and Paul was off ill.  Thursday saw Ben off nursery, but luckl=ily dispatched to grannies whilst Paul and I slept (separate beds!) - and today I had to call Paul to come home from work at lunchtime cos my head was pounding.  I'm hoping that the worst is over and we will have a nice weekend.  It's not a fat lot of fun being ill at the best of times, let alone when you have kids to look after :-(

that said, Rebecca has had us in stitches all week, she's a real chatterbox and never shuts up, god help us when she can actually say words......!

it's been a fair while since I last posted, partly because any real spare time is spent doing this consultancy work which was due in yesterday (yeah, well never mind eh) and in other areas of my life I have used up all energy, enthusiasm and commitment in persuading my son that pooing in his potty is preferable to doing it in his pants.  In which respect we seem to have finally got somewhere.  If I had written this 7 days ago it would have been one of slight despondency, but finally we seem to have cracked it and today was the first day that he finished the day in the same pair of trousers he started in.

I apologise if you are not a parent and reading this (in which case, why are you reading this and not out drinking and enjoying your social life....??!) -but if this kind of stuff makes you wince just be grateful that you are only reading about it and not living it.

I'm nearing the end of the policy updates I have to do, and the kids are getting nicely settled into their respective nurseries on a Tues and Thurs.  I start work in a month, so I can nearly taste those few days of freedom between finishing this work and 4th December.  Bring on Chapel Spa and an afternoon of lying on the sofa watching the last 8 episodes of X Factor USA..... (I love my son but it does my head in when he won't let me watch my choice of TV).

So November is upon me and it's my mum's 70th birthday next week - that's almost as scary as the fact that I am 40 next year.  She definitely doesn't look 70 that's for sure.  :-)

Interesting weekend, although not al easy. It swung from a lovely easy day yesterday when Paul took the kids up to his mum's which allowed me to go and spend a little money at a second hand baby clothes sale and then do some work, to a tougher day today where Paul was hungover/ill all day.  It started as a drunken hangover thing at 2am, but given that it is now 8.30pm Sunday night and he is still in bed, methinks it is not simply the result of drunken antics, poor thing.  However after being awake a lot of the night, up early and in charge of the kids all day I am knackered and appreciate even more how much he does (though obviously I won't tell him this and fully expect compensation in the form of lie-in's or nights out....)

On other thrilling news we are at the very end of the Killing 2 -one more episode to go.... arrrgh it has been brilliant, thank goodness they are just releasing a 3rd one at the moment in Denmark.

Oh, and ben and I saw Fireman Sam this morning, at the Literature Festival.  ok so not exactly cultural but it was the best I could manage given current circumstances.....

Just caught up on last night's Homeland - so good to have it back - quality tv :-)

....and Toby's travelling Circus gives me ten minutes of peace to write some drivel and drink a cuppa.  God bless Milkshake (apart from those bloody awful adverts of baby dolls who pee - ffs who wants a toy that wets the carpet, they'll sell one that poos and vomits all over you  next).
It's been a tough week with Rebecca full of cold and growing 3 teeth - poor thing.  but it looks like she may be on the mend, although her sleeping habits are still leaving a lot to be desired (I fear Paul didn't get much rest last night, sharing a bed with such a wriggler).

I'm feeling the pressure a little with the contract work I need to get done this month. With Rebecca missing nursery this week, and ben having half term in a few weeks time I don't have loads of time to spare, so will have to forego the Killing 2 viewings and possibly (shock horror) keeping up with the new series of Homeland  whilst I immerse myself in flexible working and sickness absence policies oh joy.  Still, it's cash, and thats what I need at the moment....

The prospect of starting work 3 days a week in December is increasingly daunting,  now the euphoria of actually getting a job has worn off I am simply fearful of the practicalities of being a working mum... But I guess every other working parent copes so I will simply have to as well.

Hey ho... Rebecca is about to spread her snot all over my laptop so better go for now....

and so it came to pass that at 2.30am I am the only member of the household awake and everyone else is happily asleep.  grrrrr.  My glands are swollen and it hurts to swallow.  Hence the need to get up and (quietly) gargle with aspirin.
But on a positive note, it's the longest Rebecca has gone in her own cot for a week.....  She's got 3 teeth on the way, and boy do we know it.  Won't sleep on her own, swings from happy to grumpy in a millisecond, and was sent home from nursery after an hour today, scuppering all my plans of getting any work done.  Ben seems to be happy enough at his place, bless him we are seeing such a change in him at the moment, his language is increasing so much, and the phrases he uses actually fit the situation.  He's also pretty knackered all the time as he is not napping in the day.  the good news is that he usually goes straight to sleep in the evening.
Right, one more gargle then it's back to bed to no doubt toss and turn for a while.

Big day

It's a big day tomorrow.  My "big" baby is off to his new nursery, and my little baby is off to her nursery for the first time. AAAARRRGGGHHH! I'm not too worried about Ben, we have been talking about his "new nursery with the scarecrow in the garden" for a while and we popped in today and he was straight in there playing with the toys, and cried when I made him leave.  Rebecca however, I am nervous.  but I also know she will cope because she has to!  I'm only leaving her there for a morning tomorrow so we will try adn break her in gently.  I am giving myself tomorrow and thursday "off" the  it'll be down to hard work next week when they are at nursery and I will try and get this blooming consultancy work sorted.....

oooh what a lovely holiday

we had such a nice week away in Devon, the cottage was fab, lovely animals to feed and weather was sometimes nice, sometimes grim but generally not bad for September.  Ben was a bit variable as he is in the middle of dropping his nap, but is still knackered so if we went anywhere in the car he'd fall asleep then wake up grumpy and not want to be wherever we happened to take him.  So swimming and beach were greeted with "I don't want to do that"..... until we gently got him into it.  Unfortunately he was absolutely adamant he didn't want to sit in the bike seat so we didn't get to go for a bike ride as both Paul and I would really have liked to do - Becca would have been fine, but he flatly refused, but then had a total paddy cos he wanted to go on a bike ride and couldn't get the fact that it wasn't possible if he wouldn't sit in the seat.  Toddler meltdown ensued.....!
But in all a lovely week, glad to be home but sad that paul is back to work tomorrow.  Ben keeps asking to go back to the cottage.  Luckily we are off to the Forest of Dean this weekend with the Haigh clan so I was able to say we are off to a new cottage this weekend :-)

holiday holiday holiday

Wooooohoooooo! we're off on our jollies tomorrow, down to Devon. It's been one hell of a long time coming and I am sooooo ready for a week away with my hubbie and the 2 ragamuffins.  It's Rebecca's birthday on Sunday (where did that year go??!!) and our anniversary on Thursday so we have lots to celebrate.  The kids have been so much fun recently but also absolutely exhausting.  Ben has dropped his nap, which generally means he becomes a little nutter about 4pm and runs around like a lunatic hitting Becca and saying NO.  Rebecca is obsessed with climbing stairs and generally following Ben about waiting to be hit.  Bless her.  He tipped a jug of cold water over her in the bath the other day poor wee thing,  It;s tough being number 2.
So here's hoping for some sunshine and fun :-)

Busy watching the Paralympics - absolutely amazing.....

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

well life got a little busy there - actually that;s not really true, it was simply that I got a little knackered and I couldn't muster the energy to write much.  But I have a holiday in sight (6 days and counting), I've had a nice relaxing weekend with the family at home, I EVEN managed to ride my bike into town today, the first time I have ridden it for3 years.  It was FAB.  I have vowed to do it more when I have a little free time.

On which note, there looks to be a little free time on the horizon.  I have a job!  which starts some time in December (or maybe November) as HR Adviser - 3 days per week and a decent salary.  They have been great at sorting out the hours so I can go in late and drop off the kids too. I'm really looking forward to it, although no doubt once I start I will moan, but it is a 12 month contract which is great.

So to prepare for that the kids are enrolled in new nurseries and start them the week after we get back from our hols.  I have the policies work to do for IC which I promised to do by the end of Sept but have no chance of doing by then, but if I can knuckle down and get them done in 6 weeks then I can have some time to myself before starting the job.  Woohoo - now there's a motivation!

I just hope Rebecca copes ok at nursery - I'm less worried about Ben, as I think he will be very happy at his place.  We had two settling in sessions this week but I stayed with her, I think we just have to take a deep breath and deal with it at the time.  She's really showing her personality now and often has us in stitches laughing at her.  She has to toughen up a little given that Ben has a tendency to whack her every now and again.  This evening he tipped half a jug of cold water over her in the bath, poor wee thing. Felt so sorry for her but also had difficulty stopping laughing too.  Her will get a big shock once she starts to fight back....

Hayfever

I am rather tired but cannot sleep due to a chronic case of snotty nose.  It must be hayfever and I just can't seem to stem the tide of snot -there is some serious pollen  in the air tonight and if I lay in bed I'd just drive Paul up the wall with sniffing and sneezing, so I have taken some antihistamene and will wait until it (hopefully) kicks in before heading back upstairs to try and get to sleep.  Grrrr

camping

we didn't make Sagga camp due to the potential pox (which hasn't emerged....).  but last week, given the weather reports were favourable, we decided to head to the Forest of Dean to camp as a family for the weekend.  We stayed at a lovely site, with plenty of space for Ben to run about, with great facilities.  Friday night was hard going, Becca woke regularly and YELLED.... pity our poor neighbours!  but the next night she was calm ( if still awake a lot!).  Saturday we headed to Symonds Yat and managed to persuade Ben to go on the little boat over the river, and his highlight was throwing stones in the river.They both had a really lovely time and Paul and I, whilst knackered from the lack of sleep, really enjoyed the time away too.  I think camping with babies is tough but toddlers is great.  It's hard work as you don't get any real break, but once Becca is Ben's age, i can see we will really get into the swing of things..... :-)

#t'lympics

Still loving the Olympics, and still ignoring my children at critical points of the day.  High point was watching Kath Grainger get her gold finally, and low point seeing poor Becky Adlington get bronze, although she should still be so proud of that.  Am very much loving how the country is really getting behind the games and everyone is posting on FB/twitter etc and so many of my friends are actually going.  If we'd not got the kids I would have loved to have gone, but hey ho, life is different.
In other sporting news, we got Ben his first bike today.  It's a balance bike, and after it arrived we met with Paul in the cycle shop and got him a helmet.  He looks so cute in his helmet bless him, although to be honest I think he was more interested in "fixing" the bike with his tool kit rather than riding it, but then again it does take a bit of practice, and by the time it was bath and bed time he was sitting on it a little bit.

Becca has been severely clingy today, so I am glad it's the weekend and Paul is about tomorrow.  She was very cute at times too though, bless her.

I'm awake cos my legs hurt and I can't sleep.  I keep getting aches and pains which had me worried it was arthritis but the blood tests I had didn't come back with anything, so i guess I;m just getting old :-(
In other news we won't be camping this weekend cos of a chicken pox scare.   Looks like it will be a soggy weekend anyway so maybe not the end of the world.....

Olympic-tastic

am quite getting into this Olympic malarkey now.  Just watched Rebecca (good name!) Adlington win bronze and saw the women's cycling road race earlier today which was very impressive and got GB a silver.  good stuff....

watching t'lympics..

Watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony and it's impressive.  Let's face it, they could never beat the rigid uniformity of Bejing's so to go for nutty manic chaos is inspired. Go Danny Boyle!! The bits that stuck out for me was the industrial revolution chimneys, the 7/7 tribute with Abide With Me, the Queen and 007 and the montage of flame runners which did bring a bit of a tear.  I now have the dilemma that they are on the section where they bring on the athletes by country and they are only on "C" - could be a while......

late night shenanigans

I've been awake now for an hour, it's 3am and I'd like to go back to bed but I fear I will not be able to get to sleep quickly as my nose is dripping due to hayfever  and I don't want to wake Paul or Becca by constantly blowing my nose. We have Hugh, Jo, James and Morven staying tonight and so we have Rebecca asleep in our room, and I can't go and sleep in the spare bed.  It's a really warm night and we have all the windows open, and i was woken by a bloke talking loudly on his mobile to someone, declaring his undying love loudly  Actually not quite loudly enough at times for me to be able to keep up with the saga, it seemed as though he was walking in circles round the junction outside out house, as I could only hear his conversation clearly intermittently.  Very frustrating,  if you are going to wake me up and keep me awake, at least let me in on the whole drama.
Still, it was a fine evening with Hugh and Jo, catching up and trying to deal with 4 kids under 4.  Carnage. We failed in synchronised bedtimes, with Rebecca and James being the ones last up., Rebecca took well to chewing on a pizza crust though :-)

Slightly thrown by the amount of time my kids are sleeping, so have decided that if I start to type a blog-post there is a high chance one will wake.  Not that I particularly want them to wake just yet, given that it is only 2.30pm and the afternoon looms large and slightly dull.  Of course, I am truly grateful for the sunshine which makes hanging out at home an easier prospect, especially now that I feel comfortable leaving Ben to simply play away in the garden, and he is great at amusing himself.  Rebecca is more hand work, obviously, and has a tendency to whine a lot at the moment, probably teeth.  it seems the only thing that is guaranteed to placate her is small food that she can feed herself with,  So the kitchen floor is usually covered in Cheerios, bits of grape or Shreddies.  I fear we are teaching her to comfort eat....  That said, I weighed her the other day, having been concerned by her gigantic appetite since stopping feeding, but she was spot on her line, so I'm less worried about her guzzling for now!
So back to the weather - it's hot, damn hot!  A little bit too hot if I dare say but clearly I wouldn't say that given the crap weather we have had up till now, I am merely grateful not to be wearing gloves....  I just hope it stays as nice as this for the Olympics and for Sagga camp.  We are planning on going to camp only for the first weekend as I can't really subject Paul to more than a long weekend just yet, and doing it on my own with the 2 of them seems a task too big at their current age. Perhaps I am a wuss, but frankly I don't care what anyone else thinks, we work well as a team and I like it that way. So here's to sunshine, paddling pools, sunbathing teddybears and factor 30.

a tiring week...

We bought Ben his first proper bed last weekend.  To be honest we'd have been happy to keep him in his cot for quite a while longer as he had shown no real inclination to climb out and "if it ain't broke don't fix it".  but Rebecca has been in the cot we borrowed from Paul's parents since we decided to try attaching it to our double bed for co-sleeping right at the start (once we realised she was having none of the Moses basket).  This cot, we think, is probably at least 45 years old and, whilst it has served us well, once she was capable of standing up, we were a little nervous of it's strength, so we needed to transfer Ben's cot bed to her.
So Ben has a lovely new toddler bed, and Rebecca has the cot bed.  We were mainly concerned with Ben, given that he would now be able to get in and out of bed himself....  But actually in the main he has been fine. He had a wobble one night this week where he declared "I don't like my new bed" but given that the phrase "I don't like" has been his favourite all week and he was generally in a state of mind not to want to go to bed in general, that seems to have been temporary and he was back to accepting it the next day at nap time.  He does call out when the duvet/toys/books have fallen out of bed which can be frustrating,  But so far he's not ended up on the floor himself.
Rebecca, however, has reverted to he teething approach of waking up in the night and not wanting to be left alone, despite our best efforts to creep out.  It may be that this has coincided with more teeth but whatever the reason it has made for a sleep-deprived and frustrating week.  We are knackered.
Last night, however, seemed a little bit better (at least i think, I may have been so knackered that I slept through Paul dealing with her).  Fingers crossed.....

Made the most of the small bit of sunshine today and hit the pub with Bonnie for a Pimms - oh and 4 under 3's as well which meant the whole experience wasn't quite as relaxing as the phrase "afternoon in the pub" once meant.  However I still appreciate that others were in their offices working away whilst we sipped our drinks.  Maternity Leave rocks, well, theoretical maternity leave in my case, but it still rocks.
Talking of "maternity leave", I may have the possibility of some part time work starting at the end of the year covering a maternity leave.  It will be at a lower level and I am not sure what the days/hours/salary will be but hopefully will find out on Tuesday when I go and talk to the HR Manager, who I know from my days working in Stonehouse.  It's certainly got my hopes up anyway, as a way of getting back into working, but without the full on responsibility.  The only issues may be practicalities.  I recognise that pay will be significantly lower but I think there is a lot to be said for simply keeping yourself employable, and I do really miss working in a team, which is something I talked about with the HR girls last Friday night when we all went out for a meal.  Whilst I can earn good money doing this "consultancy" thing, it doesn't really bring about that sense of team working.  That said, it may be that money talks when it comes down to the cold hard sums.  Time will tell....

I'm busy playing with my new phone this evening, a Nokia Lumisomethingorother 800 which is a smart phone.  My last one was an HTC Desire which was also a windows phone, I like to be a little bit different and like their Live Tiles design.  I had to get a new phone as my HTC was packing up slowly, mainly I think due to Rebecca's saliva.  Luckily I was able to get an upgrade even though I think it's only about 15 months old.  I guess they do that in the hope that I will get a more expensive call plan, although in reality I use hardly any of my text/call amounts as I have no life.....

nice weekend

A much much better weekend than last weekend.  Had a lovely evening on Friday with the old HR gang from work, where we gossiped and ate - what more can you ask for.  I do miss working with them all so much, but then again you only ever remember it through rose-tinted glasses!  We didn't really appreciate how good it was at the time unfortunately.  hey ho, sounds as though they are coping OK, although Kirsty will be leaving to go and live in Australia in a few weeks so poor old Sally will be the last one standing.

Yesterday we donned out raincoats and headed to the farm park.  In actual fact the weather was pretty ok, but it was very quiet as people obviously expected it to bucket it down.  It did rain heavily at one point but we were inside the animal feeding bit at that point, and the later, when Ben was playing on the playground bit, but Rebecca and I stayed inside.  Anyway he kept nice and dry in his new all in one raincoat thingy that I bought from Burford Garden centre on Wednesday (that I still haven't owned up to Paul how much it cost).  Today we chilled out a bit, but the weather, when not raining, was nice and sunny so we made the most of those moments and did a bit of gardening.  I took Rebecca for a walk to get her off to sleep and ended up diverting into the Royal pub for 15 minutes.  It was a bit surreal, sitting in the sunshine in the pub garden in total peace and quiet, not something I get to do any more!
Oh, and a final note on the boobs - finally they don't hurt and I'm not wincing every time one of the kids go near me.  Becca is drinking a little juice but not much formula from a cup - but am mixing it in with anything and everything she eats.  She is wolfing food down like there is no tomorrow, and minesweeps the kitchen floor after each meal to hoover up the bits she threw away.  I think perhaps she takes after me more than Paul in her attitude to food!

hoping for a slightly less hormonal evening...

A good day today, being a normal person rather than a mum and attending a Law Update.  I really enjoy them anyway, and even more so now that they form the basis of my social life!  Paul had an OK day with Rebecca although she was a bit grotty by the end of the day, her teeth are clearly still causing her gip.  My boobs still hurt but I think we are hopefully over the worst of it and they will start to reduce, and I will start to feel a little less like Dolly Parton.  Sat in the bath last night and sobbed.  Geez these hormones are a killer.  This evening I am drinking red wine and thinking of new bra sets from Bravissimo.

So I think I hit a bit of a metaphorical wall yesterday, felt so unbelievably down, couldn't stop crying and had the sorest boobs imaginable.  It felt like I'd been trampled on by a herd of cows (although on reflection,I think that may be a slight exaggeration...!).  Looking it up today online I think there's every chance the hormones are to blame, thank goodness for Google (as always).  Still struggling a bit today but trying to get back to my realistic/common sense approach which tells me that all is fine, she is now drinking OK from her cup, the world is carrying on turning, and I should focus on the potential new bras I will buy and the prospect of a night away in the not too distant future....
The good thing is that tomorrow I am on an Employment Law update, and given that "working" seems to improve my mood that will hopefully do the trick to snap me out of this.

still striking...

She's still refusing to feed but the good news is she drank some apple juice from her cup so I was a bit less stressed.  I've got a bit more chilled about the fact that this may lead to us giving up breastfeeding, at the end of the day the important thing is for her to get fluid in her, whatever way.  She seems to only drink from a cup when at her high chair, so refused milk at bedtime again.  I will concentrate on just getting liquid in her for the next few days (whilst still offering her feeds) and then worry about getting her to drink milk from a cup in a few days time.  I can't see her changing her mind about feeding from me, she's a stubborn little soul, but am pumping a bit, more to stop my boobs exploding than anything.
Paul's work colleague had a baby boy a week before Becca came along, and he is in intensive care in Bristol hospital with breathing issues.  Kind of puts it in perspective.....

So I'm trying to remain positive and not stress out about this nursing strike.  This is much easier to do once she is sleep as she is not wailing..... One a good note, she is eating fine, seems healthy and managed to sip some water from her cup, and went to bed OK.  One the negative side, she still refuses to feed from me, wails and writhes away when I try, doesn't really drink much from a cup and is pretty miserable and knackered. If she was drinking well from a cup I would probably be OK about stopping feeding - the prospect of a new bra and a night away from her would give me the feeling it was ok.  But she's just not able (willing?!) to drink well from a cup at all, and flatly refuses a bottle.  Ah well, lets see what tomorrow holds.

Yesterday we headed to Waitrose to pick up a new kettle.  I don't normally brave the supermarket with 2 kids in tow, so this was a bit of a one-off.  They did look cute in a double trolley though....

On strike

Yesterday Rebecca gave me a nip a few times when feeding, the third time I yelped a bit loudly and sat her on the floor and said "No" - and she cried.  And then decided to go on nursing strike.  So for the past 24 hours when I try and feed her she has writhed, screamed and cried her little heart out.  It wouldn't be so bad if she was willing to drink from a bottle or a cup but she takes barely a sip before stopping, spluttering or simply refuses.  It doesn't exactly make me feel happy either as this was not the way I wanted to stop feeding at all.  It's not been an easy day as she's been really upset a lot of the day and tired too.  A lot of the guidance about dealing with nursing strikes says to try and spend time cuddled up together, have a bath or go back to bed.  All this would have been OK had i not had a hair appointment, had to sort out Ben for nursery and then spend all afternoon waiting for a bloody plumber to turn up who, when I called him at 4pm had "got caught up in another job" and hadn't bothered to let me know.  Aaargh  What a bloody frustrating day all round

Relaxing weekend

It's been a nice weekend, relaxing in the sense of not stressful, if not sleep filled, but then I have come to accept that life with kids is never sleep filled and you just have to accept knackeredness and get on with the day... Rebecca seemed to remember how to nap and had some seriously long sleeps, we spent time in the garden, Ben played with the water sprayer a lot of the time, 'cleaning' the car and trying to knock the (ungrown) apples off the tree with bamboo sticks.
This afternoon we popped to Staverton to see some planes. Top banana.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Afternoon tea

Yesterday I went out for the afternoon to Montpellier Chapter for afternoon tea - Amy's babyshower.  Being out with 7 midwives makes for interesting conversations.....  anyway, the food was really lovely and it was sooooo nice to have a conversation which wasn't interrupted every five minutes....

Under the weather

I've not had a good month health wise.  I appreciate we're not exactly talking an episode of Holby City or Casualty here, but I had the ear thingy which led me to be dizzy and queasy, which reared it's ugly head again yesterday, then there was the bug that Ben so kindly passed onto me on Sunday, and my ongoing painful hands which I am going to see the Dr about tomorrow. I have a feeling it may be a little bit of arthritis.

I feel sorry for Paul who has to take the brunt of my complaining (something to do with being brought up in an unsympathetic family means I am programmed to whinge a lot as it was the only way to get any attention in our house).  But it's weird. I find it's less that I'm unhappy about being ill, but more about the underlying dread that if something goes properly wrong, how it will impact on the kids.  It's not an aspect of parenting that I considered when deciding to have a family, but the responsibility of "being there" for Ben and Rebecca really weighs heavily on me in moments when I am not feeling 100%.  That said, alongside accidents, bullying, tsunamis and my kids' future bad girlfriend/boyfriend choices, there's not really much I can do about these things so I just have to not fret and let things happen.  But sometimes (especially in the early hours of the morning) that is easier said that done.

I'm currently reading this book at the moment.  Under normal circumstances I would have devoured it within a few days, it is so good.  But being unable to keep my concentration going at night for more than 10 minutes it is taking me much longer.  But I am really enjoying it, and it is making me laugh out loud.  I'd recommend it to anyone who has kids.

In other news I bought a new sling this week, a ring sling as it seemed to me that Rebecca liked being carried on my hip rather than on the back, and she is getting to heavy for the Baby Bjorn.  It arrived and we have tried it a few times with some real success.  We went into town this afternoon with Paul pushing Ben in the pram and me carrying Rebecca and she seemed very content, so much so that she "chattered" away the whole time, and was very cute and smiley whenever anyone stopped to talk to her.  Fingers crossed this continues....

Failure is the only option

Having 1 kid is hard.  Having 2 is harder.  Add one of them being ill into the mix and you can multiply that 10 fold.  Since having Rebecca I regularly feel as though neither child gets enough attention, and this is getting harder now that she is awake more and wanting more attention.  But today, with Ben vomiting like that girl from  the Exorcist my feelings of maternal failure were right at the top of the scale.  Rebecca was crying cos she is teething and I was ignoring her.  Ben was in tears (understandably).  He and I, and the floor were covered in vomit and I just didn't know where to start.  In the end I stripped up both off, ignored the floor and Becca (having put her somewhere safe) get us into new clothes and gave him a big cuddle.  Then got vomited on again.  Hey ho.
After the 3rd vomit he declared "I feel much better Mummy" which was a relief, so I sat him on the sofa cuddling teddy and watching Shaun the Sheep whilst I tried to make it up to Becca, but then still feeling guilty for not sitting with Ben.
He threw up again later but seemed to perk up after that so hopefully will be OK tonight.  I desperately hope so as I am shattered and it seems that Paul had a particularly bad day too....  So onto making tea, having a glass of wine and washing the dried vomit out of my hair.  Glamorous life.

It's all about standing up now...

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Teething, clingy daughter and manic son

So apparently Ben didn't nap at nursery today.  The staff told me he was a little "manic" this afternoon.  i think this is probably nursery speak for "he was a little shit all afternoon" given my own experience of Ben when he doesn't nap.  hey ho, maybe I will reap the benefit tomorrow although experience has shown that's often not the case and he is usually really tearful the next day.
Rebecca, on the other hand, needed lots of sleep today following a night of being clingier than a clingy clingon.  She would yell, fall asleep in our arms, be put down in her cot and immediately push herself up into a sitting position and yell again.  This went on for a LONG TIME about midnight/-ish which led to a seriously droopy-eyed mum and dad this morning.  She's been a bit rubbish for the past few days and is clearly getting another tooth, well I say clearly, but that's only really from the symptoms rather than actually seeing a tooth.  Thought we saw it Sunday, but then it disappeared yesterday, but I think it's visible again today, but it may just be us imagining things and wanting to see something for our troubles.
On the more positive side she is great fun now and watching her stand herself up is funny (except in the bath where she seems to refuse to sit down now).  Ben is also really sweet at the moment (when not sleep deprived) although his world has just got tougher now that Becca is on the move and constantly trying to eat his toys.  The house now constantly rings to the sound of "No Becca, that's my toy...."

In the dew of little things...

our heart finds it's morning and it is refreshed. (Kahlil Gibran)
One of the best things about being a mum is seeing the world through a child's eyes again.  Sometimes, when I'm desperately trying to hurry Ben along to playgroup or the shop I get frustrated at his dawdling.  And then I try and remind myself that it doesn't matter if we are late as the world will go on turning and the main purpose of the trip is usually to get somewhere to amuse him anyway, so if he is amused en route then that should be just as important.  Today he found the biggest joy in carrying a stick with him to and round the shop.  Last week it was all about jumping in puddles, and often at the moment he is completely thrilled when finding and blowing a dandelion clock. I know this wide-eyed enthusiasm at everything won't last, so I am trying to enjoy while I can.

Mr Tumble...

We had friends over yesterday and had a lovely day chatting. There were 2 older kids who played really well with Ben and he had a fab time. Only slight flaw was that we were busy gossiping and left them to play a bit too much which resulted in Ben falling down the stairs. Luckily the carpet at the bottom which we put there 2 years ago finally proved it's worth, and he seemed to do an impressive roll which meant there was no real damage and after a few tears and a cuddle he seemed fine, and looks no worse for wear this morning. It's scary stuff though and you realise how quickly things like that can happen.....
Rebecca, meanwhile, seems to have more teething issues as she was pretty miserable Yesterday and woke up a lot in the night. So we are definitely on a calpol day today.....


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Meringue Queen

I've never tried to make meringues before last week.  My mum's are the best, crispy yet chewy in the middle -  and sometimes it's not worth trying to recreate perfection.  But I got hold of Lisa Faulkner's cookery book from the library and subsequently got it for my birthday and it had a lot of my mum's classic recipes in - our mums were obviously from the same era.  Lisa Faulkner's mum died when she was little but passed on her recipes.  I'm incredibly lucky to still have my mum about but as time passes I realise that this won't always be the case and one of the things I don't want to lose is the food that I hold dear to my heart from childhood (and adulthood!).
So, coronation chicken was attempted last week, with pretty good results, as well as a chocolate cake which, for the first time ever, I was really proud of.  And of course, those meringues which were, if I say so myself, a pretty impressive attempt - yes they were chewy inside!  They were from my mum's recipe whereas the other 2 were from the recipe book.  I do love cookery books but often don't actually use anything from them, but I have to say this one is really inspiring me to use it.
The next things on the list are Pavlova, Lemon Curd (my mum's recipe) , french onion soup and spicy coleslaw. Bring on the baking!

Have done a little bit of HR work today and yesterday which has surprisingly uplifted me.  the beauty of what I do now is that it is project work which has a clear start and end and doesn't involve dealing with too many annoying employees.  I came away from my conversation on the phone yesterday morning on a real high, simply because it had used my brain a bit and I felt like I was worthwhile.  It's not that I'm not happy being a mum.  I love it, and god knows I don't want to work full time again.  But if I can do a bit of work now and again then that is brilliant.  I'm really lucky that so far it seems possible.
I have a hope that I can go to a law update in a months time which will be a whole day out.  I need to work up to it with Rebecca though as I've not left her for more than a few hours up to now, but in a way I need this to push me to do it.  I think I am a lot more soft on her, and she is clingy, although I';m not sure whether she's cling because I'm soft, or visa versa.  By this time with Ben he was at nursery one day a week....

Soggy Camping

This last weekend was the Diamond Jubilee weekend, which provided us with a good excuse to get out some bunting, wave some flags, and have an extended weekend of camping with friends.  This filled me with happiness at the prospect of seeing Sagga friends and spending time with them, and dread at the idea of sleeping in a tent with a 2.5 year old and a 9 month old.  In actual fact, the sleeping in the tent with them was the relatively easy bit - Ben settled like a little star and slept all night both nights, and Rebecca wasn't too bad, she woke a few times but went back to sleep with a bit of comfort feeding (although this made me very cold!).  So the positive that I can take away from it all is that the actual camping with kids can be done, and hopefully will be done again. However next time I will make sure of  a few things, following these important life lessons I have learned -

• In Context, In Car DVD Players are a Good Thing.
• Camping further away from home that 2 hours is NOT a Good Thing
• Camping with kids in torrential rain is NOT a Good Thing
• Using a campsite where you can park the car next to the tent is  a Good Thing
• Sometimes Soft Play is a Very Good Thing

Oh yes - it was a long way, and very wet and cold.  This was so frustrating after such a lovely couple of weeks in the sunshine, but the weather really was horrendous which made is really tough at times.
Thank goodness for the hard work of friends who made sure that we had food/hot water etc, and managed to sort out a wonderfully warm scout hut for the Sunday afternoon as an emergency measure, without which I'm not sure I would have held it together!

The journey there was long and hard, with delays on the motorway.  A 3.5 hour journey ended up taking us 6, although this included a good long lunch stop.  We diverted and round a lovely place to have lunch and stretch our legs, and I forced Paul into setting up the portable DVD player for Ben in the car that we had borrowed from Matt and Les.  He was reluctant, but within 5 minutes of setting back off, with Ben happily watching Shaun the Sheep in silence, he was won over.....  Lesson 1 - in context,  In Car DVDs are a Good Thing.

Sunday morning we woke to rain rain rain.  After having the "shall we just give up and go home" conversation, we retreated to a soft play in the morning, which soothed my soul as I never thought a soft play could.  We all then returned to site to the wonderful news about the building which meant we were able to let the kids have fun in the warm and dry, and we could relax with a takeaway pizza and a glass of wine.

The next morning was mainly dry with a little sunshine which allowed us to dry our tents and pack up - packing was not an easy job as the cars were parked a long way from the tents and we had to use trolleys to transport everything - as Paul said "you scouts don't really make things easy for yourselves do you....".  So by the time we left for home after lunch I was pretty shattered having spent the morning chasing after kids/trying to sort out stuff and not really getting round to eating or drinking properly as I was too busy sorting them out.  We were heading to Mat and Les's house so that we could drop off the camping stuff as they were borrowing it, which meant a diversion but actually, in the end, that was a bloody good thing.

I was feeling grim but fell asleep in the car so hoped I would feel better on waking.  Rebecca and Ben also slept the entire way.  However I didn't feel any better and when we got to Sutton Coldfield and actually had to go to bed after throwing up at their house.  I felt a little better after that so we decided to head on back home but Ben had a meltdown getting back in the car when we wouldn't let him climb into his seat and put his seat belt on himself (he was too tired to manage it).  We then had an hour journey home of him wailing "That's my job"... with Rebecca joining in on the crying for the last 30 minutes.  Unfortunately we had had to give back the DVD player to Matt otherwise this may have distracted him.  So we arrived home shattered with wailing children who we  eventually managed to get to bed, and collapsed ourselves.

So, in summary "overambitious" was how we would describe the weekend.  That said, it really was great to see everyone, and we're glad we did it, now that we have recovered!  But next time we will stick to a bit more local, and make sure the sun is shining (and buy a DVD player!).

she's off

So after about of month of being "mobile" but through various ingenious moves, Rebecca has finally worked out how to crawl.  Up to now, if I left her she would often have moved place by the time I returned, but it wasn't too far and was achieved by going backwards, sideways, sitting up, and impressive yoga moves. But last night she finally realised that her knees needed to be involved in the process, so I fear my peace is about to be shattered.  She was wide away at 5.20am this morning, feeling very pleased with herself and sitting up playing with her doll.  I could have done with some more sleep but hey ho.....

fun in the sun

What a lovely weekend of weather and no real plans.  We spent most of it in the garden.  Paul was weeding for England.  Ben was pottering, "painting" the driveway with water, pretending his sledge was a boat, and occasionally disappearing into the garage to discover some dangerous equipment.  We also managed to sneak down to the Royal pub 3 times....   My birthday was a lovely day and we managed to make it to a Thai restaurant on satruday night, followed by a drink at the Royal, having spent a few hours there with Sax and Charlie in the afternoon.  We managed to plant some fruit/vedge in the raised beds but they will no doubt be eaten within the week, like my sunflowers :-(

on the downhill slope to 40...

Well that's it, I am 39 and the next birthday is he big one.  I can hardly believe it really, I still feel as though I am in my 20's - that is apart from the fact that I have 2 kids and that my body is starting to ache first thing in the morning.....

Cars 'n' things....

So I sold my MX-5 yesterday, after a lovely 8 years. Am a little sad but less than I expected to be as I think I was more sad when it was sat on the driveway being unused on a sunny day. I definitely couldn't work in sales as it wasn't much fun selling it and I felt quite stressed. I guess it didn't help that I know nothing about cars so would have struggled if questioned intensely. Luckily the guy was quite chilled and handed over his cash and went...

a window back to my old life...

Today's excitement was a meeting so doing some project HR work, much more successful than the one a few weeks ago which I had to abandon due to a horrendous migraine. I was great to actually be able to sit down (in a pub, which always helps, and talk technical HR stuff instead of potty training, sleep patterns and calpol.  don't get me wrong, I really do love my life, but I am also eternally grateful for the fact that I will be able to dip my toe gently back into the world of work and keep those brain cells working.  now I just have to work out how I find the time to do it, and who will look after my kids....!

Interesting article about recording your baby by photograph each day/week as they grow older.  I love the idea but doubt I could keep it going, given the lack of Completer-Finisher in me (as my husband regularly reminds me, as he takes over cooking the dinner when I have become absorbed in Facebook).  The slightly more disturbing bit of the article was the reference to "a recent poll of Facebook users, which puts baby photos as the second most irritating picture annoyance on the website".  Ooops - that'll be me as a culprit then.  Still, people can always block me if it gets that dull.

I'm currently trying to sell my MX-5 on Autotrader as it is unfortunately incompatible with 2 kids and has pretty much sat on the driveway unused for the past 2 years. I will be sad to say goodbye but will appreciate the room on the drive and not having to squeeze out of the passenger door.... anyway, I haven,t had much interest yet apart from a bloke in Ireland who wrote an email only in capitals, who wanted to pay me over the odds and would also pay more money than It was worth into my account which I was then to wire onto his "trader" who would collect it... dodgy? Oh I think so....

Quick post at lunchtime today as I probably won't post this evening due to playing about on my new IPAD!!!!! woohoo - a veritable luxury and unnecessary purchase but one that was paid for by "extra" money, from premium bond wins, a tax rebate and the profits from having to sell my Snow Patrol tickets in February due to a rubbish clingy daughter. It's here, in the box, staring at me. but I am waiting till after the kids are in bad so Paul and I can open it and enjoy the smell of new technology.... mmm.....

testing testing...

123 – just seeing if this works from email/mobile....

Blimey, has it really been that long. 2 years can go in a flash can't they, or a sleep-deprived blur could be a more appropriate description. So I have renewed vigour on the blog front, which may only last a week but I will try. I had a re-read of some of my posts last night and, whilst I love to post regular comments and status updates on Facebook, they don't really allow me to go into the depth that this blog did, and I miss that. Especially when reading it back. And lets face it, this is the period of my life that I will most want to read back over, those precious parental moments that mean so much to me - though probably not to anyone else! So I will attempt to reinstate my ramblings, which will involve lots of discussion about sleep, poo and teething and lots less about travelling, partying and working. More Gina Ford than Judith Chalmers, if you will.... So to get the ball rolling - what did the 14th May 2012 bring? Well it brought a little girl who has discovered the veritable delights of teeth grinding that having top and bottom teeth provide. The kind of stuff that sets my own teeth on edge, especially at a sleep-deprived 3am. And as for Ben, well a milestone day in that he had his first formal haircut. I'd made a fairly decent go of it myself a few times - as I tell my husband regularly, I've worked in a hairdressers you know (IN HR!!! is his regular response, when I use this phrase to offer to cut his....). - Having siad that, it was getting a little beyond my capaibilies so i muscled in on my mum;s hairdresser's appointment who cuts it at her house, and Libby did a great job. He was very bemused and a little concerned but sat still and did me proud. He looks a little more grown up, but not radically different so I am chuffed. Will try and post a photo when I've worked out how to from my phone. So that was today, Let's see how the rest of this week goes, but for now, my glass of wine, plus fishcakes and chips are waiting....