Under the weather

I've not had a good month health wise.  I appreciate we're not exactly talking an episode of Holby City or Casualty here, but I had the ear thingy which led me to be dizzy and queasy, which reared it's ugly head again yesterday, then there was the bug that Ben so kindly passed onto me on Sunday, and my ongoing painful hands which I am going to see the Dr about tomorrow. I have a feeling it may be a little bit of arthritis.

I feel sorry for Paul who has to take the brunt of my complaining (something to do with being brought up in an unsympathetic family means I am programmed to whinge a lot as it was the only way to get any attention in our house).  But it's weird. I find it's less that I'm unhappy about being ill, but more about the underlying dread that if something goes properly wrong, how it will impact on the kids.  It's not an aspect of parenting that I considered when deciding to have a family, but the responsibility of "being there" for Ben and Rebecca really weighs heavily on me in moments when I am not feeling 100%.  That said, alongside accidents, bullying, tsunamis and my kids' future bad girlfriend/boyfriend choices, there's not really much I can do about these things so I just have to not fret and let things happen.  But sometimes (especially in the early hours of the morning) that is easier said that done.