well I put it off, but it wasn't particularly easy as they were pretty insistent that we consider our options. It seems to be more of a logistical issue given that they expect to be busy by the end of the week and "don't want me to regret not having the induction earlier this week". Well as far as I am concerned, its surely difficult for them to plan these things anyway, and if I were to become a risk medically I assume I would go up the priority list than a "normal booked in" induction. So once I established that they were ok with me medically we left the hospital. That said, it still took a good 4 hours for them to do that, which i think may all be part of their master plan - in that you hang around for such a long time you end up thinking, well hell I may as well have the bloody induction and get on with it seeing as I am here.

I have to go in every day for monitoring which will drag, so can see that there is a chance I crack tomorrow. I've been having the odd cramp but truly nothing to write home about and nothing that makes me feel hopeful this will happen naturally any time soon. This is so annoying, if it was purely up to me I know I would want to keep waiting a good few more days, but its not just me, its Paul, my parents, his parents, everyone else waiting and waiting..... and I'm starting to feel seriously pressured.

The ongoing saga of a baby not willing to enter this world...

Ey up.
Well its 4am on Sunday 29th nov. Or to be more precise in terms of this baby 40 +12.
This means its eviction day in theory as 12 days late is the date they induce in Cheltenham. So I have to call the hospital in 5 hours time, however our intention is to refuse the induction unless there are medical problems to give me a few more days to try and do this without kicking it off unnaturally.

I'm not sure what this will mean, I think they will get me to go in to be checked over but then again they may just leave me to it for a few more days. Ideally I'd like at least till Tuesday, the only problem is poor Paul not knowing whether to go into work or just give it up for 2 weeks now, I think the uncertainity each day has really been doing his head in, - know how he feels!

now I have toothache and earache. I think there is every chance this is all psychosomatic and I am simply feeling sorry for myself :-(

baby its grim outside

I cannot blame this little one for not wanting to come out at the moment, its really grim out here with the wind and the rain. I'd stay in if I had the choice! Had some reflexology today which wasn't comfortable (it wasn't meant to be!) in the aim of encouraging some movement, but so far no impact. Went to the pub for tea and a glass of wine as consolation.

i take that back

Joe was spot on. thank goodness my faith is restored.

maybe its just me...

but nearly all the x-factor singers seemed to be singing flat this evening?

Exciting news!

No, not that I've had a baby..... I won something :-)
For the past month i've not been sleeping well, any reader of this blog will have worked this out from the random entries. So I have been filling my time by knitting, watching crap tv, playing on the internet and entering competitions online. and today i got an email to tell me I;d won a delia smith cookbook! Yay! small steps.....

how about this for a pregnancy/labour soundtrack?

Sitting Waiting Wishing – Jack Johnson
Patience – Take That
Counting Down The Days – Natalie Imbruglia
No Good Advice – Girls Aloud
Dignity –Deacon Blue
Not Ready To Make Nice – Dixie Chicks
Grounds For Divorce - Elbow
Hold My Hand – Hootie And The Blowfish
Jump Around – House Of Pain
Labour Of Love – Hue And Cry
King Of Pain – Sting
Harder To Breathe – Maroon 5
Everybody Hurts - REM
High – James Blunt
You Give Me Something – James Morrison
Can’t Stop Now - Keane
One Day In Your Life – Anastasia
Speed Of Sound – Coldplay
Its Only Natural – Crowded House
Things Can Only Get Better – D:Ream
The Power Of Love – Huey Lewis And The News
Strong Enough – Sheryl Crow
Baby Can I Hold You – Tracey Chapman
What Took You So Long – Emma Bunton
He Looks Like Spencer Tracey Now – Deacon Blue
Saving The Best For Last – Marc Cohn
I Get The Sweetest Feeling – Jackie Wilson
Hallelujah – Rufus Wainwright

expected delivery

Damn the weather was grim last night. So much rain and wind, made more exciting by the house having quite a few skylights so you get the full impact of the rain noise. A bit like camping but much warmer and cosier and no fear of leaks or of getting soaked going to the loo.

We stayed in (obviously, its not like we now go clubbing on a friday night), and watched the LOOOOONG film the Island, which wasn't too bad to be honest. Entertaining but way too long and took the suspension of disbelief a little too far in some of the chase scenes. The living room was nice and cosy and warm and we were only missing one thing...... a fireplace. Oh to have a lovely woodburner on a night like last night....

Ours is on order but there's an understandable backlog. Assuming it does arrive in the next few weeks we have it booked in to be installed (along with some heavy duty fireplace reconstruction) early December. Given the other delivery that we have expected in the next few weeks this is a logical delay, as I had feared me staving off contractions whilst the builders installed the thing in the living room at the same time. But then again I WANT MY WOODBURNER NOW!

Is it wrong that I am more impatient about the woodburner than the arrival of my first born? Does that make me a bad mother already. Oh no, this doesn't bode well does it :-(

another night another few hours watching early hours TV with sign language. I think Holby City is greatly improved with the addition of the little person waving their arms in the air on the bottom right of the screen.

So... we're now into single figure days before this little one arrives. Assuming they do actually arrive and don't become a medical miracle and remain in me until their 18th birthday. I still can't get my head around it, and am quite happy for it to remain within for a week or so longer. I guess if I had been suffering massively from pregnancy problems I;d be whining about wanting it out like all the other mums to be whose posts I read in the early hours on Babycentre, but as it is my body has been fairly kind and, despite the beached whale effect, swollen ankles, no sleep and constant wee-ing, I think I actually prefer this little one inside me where it can keep nice and quiet and not cry and expect me to do anything more than eat lots and keep it warm. It's the great unknown that terrifies me. Going from a job where I knew exactly what I was doing and was bloody good at (well I thought so anyway!) to the job of a mum where I know jack shit and there is a guarantee of regular failure, frustration, tears and tantrums - I'm beginning to wonder what on earth possessed me to consider this was a good idea!

Don't get me wrong, at the end of the day I do have faith in myself and mother nature - its all just a little scary and close now!

another late night post

Its 1am, and I'm not surprised to be awake as I spent most of today asleep. I guess you just have to go with the flow at the moment and take the opportunities of sleep whenever they arise, shame though as it was a weekend and it would have been nice to actually spend some time with Paul, but I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Probably a relief for him not to have me about nagging too much anyway, he's been brilliant at looking after me, cooking, cleaning and washing up, but I'm still nagging away!

In my few waking hours I've been reading Mark Radcliffe's book "Thank you for the Days" which I nicked from my sister. I finished it today and was really sad it came to an end as it is the first book I have managed to stick out for a fair while and thoroughly enjoyed it. Similar to his current sidekick Stuart Maconie, he writes as he speaks and I really admire his down to earth, dry wit. The next book for me is Falling and Laughing, the restoration of Edwyn Collins. Having listened to Edwyn and his wife being interviewed by Simon Mayo, I'm really keen to read the full story. Will let you know how that goes...

today's google horoscope...

"Something big is brewing and it could impact your weekend routine. You might even feel tired and under the weather, but it's important to consider the source of your current malaise. Taking good care of yourself now can help you handle the stresses ahead."

yikes.....

11 days to B... day

11 days. Oh my god we're counting days now, not months or weeks . aaaaaaaarrrggh. But all ok, an it will be late so really its not 11 days.... honest :-)

Dreamgirls

How can the same Eddie Murphy who doe such a brilliant job in Dreamgirls be the same actor in Norbit? Talk about Ying and Yang.

1st November

It's november. That means I'm having a baby..... THIS MONTH!! (unless it is seeeeeeriously lazy). I think we're probably as prepared physically as we can be, one of the benefits of having had lots of time off that I hadn't planned. We picked up the pram yesterday and practised strapping in the car seat yesterday. Nursery is pretty much done, and bags are packed. I have just over 2 more weeks until the due date so am prepared for a month's wait because, whilst we may be prepared with the practicalities, I'm still not overly sure I'm prepared for a little baby to enter our world.

I'm up now because I think the little one has hiccups so is keeping me awake, along with the fact that I need a wee all the time and lie in bed thinking about ice cubes. Itchy stomach and swollen feet are also a joy to appreciate. but I know that this is me getting off lightly compared to many so whilst I whinge, I am also grateful.

It's hard to to be completely engrossed in the baby/pregnancy thing and remember that for everyone else life continues as normal. For us, everything stops/starts mid November and every decision seems based around baby monitors, clothing etc etc. So apologies if my tweets/posts/FB status's are dull dull dull. I hope to get my full personality back in 18 years :-)