Cleaning - just say no kids

I'm renting my house out next week as it's Gold Cup and I can make money out of staying at my parents for three nights. Not a particular burden with my parents whose main irritation factor is my dad typing loudly in the next room (yes, loudly, I don't know how he does it but he does). The only problem is I seem to have turned into the most slovenly individual that ever graced this planet. I'm that person in the film Se7en who is found murdered sat in their own revolting mess. I have a feeling that I will soon get a visit from a TV crew doing one of those programmes about people who live amongst their pizza boxes and cat litter. Perhaps I'll become famous though it and get to live in a house for 3 weeks with Peter Andre and Christine Hamilton. That'll be a whole weekend in marigolds coming up then...