still striking...

She's still refusing to feed but the good news is she drank some apple juice from her cup so I was a bit less stressed.  I've got a bit more chilled about the fact that this may lead to us giving up breastfeeding, at the end of the day the important thing is for her to get fluid in her, whatever way.  She seems to only drink from a cup when at her high chair, so refused milk at bedtime again.  I will concentrate on just getting liquid in her for the next few days (whilst still offering her feeds) and then worry about getting her to drink milk from a cup in a few days time.  I can't see her changing her mind about feeding from me, she's a stubborn little soul, but am pumping a bit, more to stop my boobs exploding than anything.
Paul's work colleague had a baby boy a week before Becca came along, and he is in intensive care in Bristol hospital with breathing issues.  Kind of puts it in perspective.....

So I'm trying to remain positive and not stress out about this nursing strike.  This is much easier to do once she is sleep as she is not wailing..... One a good note, she is eating fine, seems healthy and managed to sip some water from her cup, and went to bed OK.  One the negative side, she still refuses to feed from me, wails and writhes away when I try, doesn't really drink much from a cup and is pretty miserable and knackered. If she was drinking well from a cup I would probably be OK about stopping feeding - the prospect of a new bra and a night away from her would give me the feeling it was ok.  But she's just not able (willing?!) to drink well from a cup at all, and flatly refuses a bottle.  Ah well, lets see what tomorrow holds.

Yesterday we headed to Waitrose to pick up a new kettle.  I don't normally brave the supermarket with 2 kids in tow, so this was a bit of a one-off.  They did look cute in a double trolley though....

On strike

Yesterday Rebecca gave me a nip a few times when feeding, the third time I yelped a bit loudly and sat her on the floor and said "No" - and she cried.  And then decided to go on nursing strike.  So for the past 24 hours when I try and feed her she has writhed, screamed and cried her little heart out.  It wouldn't be so bad if she was willing to drink from a bottle or a cup but she takes barely a sip before stopping, spluttering or simply refuses.  It doesn't exactly make me feel happy either as this was not the way I wanted to stop feeding at all.  It's not been an easy day as she's been really upset a lot of the day and tired too.  A lot of the guidance about dealing with nursing strikes says to try and spend time cuddled up together, have a bath or go back to bed.  All this would have been OK had i not had a hair appointment, had to sort out Ben for nursery and then spend all afternoon waiting for a bloody plumber to turn up who, when I called him at 4pm had "got caught up in another job" and hadn't bothered to let me know.  Aaargh  What a bloody frustrating day all round

Relaxing weekend

It's been a nice weekend, relaxing in the sense of not stressful, if not sleep filled, but then I have come to accept that life with kids is never sleep filled and you just have to accept knackeredness and get on with the day... Rebecca seemed to remember how to nap and had some seriously long sleeps, we spent time in the garden, Ben played with the water sprayer a lot of the time, 'cleaning' the car and trying to knock the (ungrown) apples off the tree with bamboo sticks.
This afternoon we popped to Staverton to see some planes. Top banana.

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Afternoon tea

Yesterday I went out for the afternoon to Montpellier Chapter for afternoon tea - Amy's babyshower.  Being out with 7 midwives makes for interesting conversations.....  anyway, the food was really lovely and it was sooooo nice to have a conversation which wasn't interrupted every five minutes....

Under the weather

I've not had a good month health wise.  I appreciate we're not exactly talking an episode of Holby City or Casualty here, but I had the ear thingy which led me to be dizzy and queasy, which reared it's ugly head again yesterday, then there was the bug that Ben so kindly passed onto me on Sunday, and my ongoing painful hands which I am going to see the Dr about tomorrow. I have a feeling it may be a little bit of arthritis.

I feel sorry for Paul who has to take the brunt of my complaining (something to do with being brought up in an unsympathetic family means I am programmed to whinge a lot as it was the only way to get any attention in our house).  But it's weird. I find it's less that I'm unhappy about being ill, but more about the underlying dread that if something goes properly wrong, how it will impact on the kids.  It's not an aspect of parenting that I considered when deciding to have a family, but the responsibility of "being there" for Ben and Rebecca really weighs heavily on me in moments when I am not feeling 100%.  That said, alongside accidents, bullying, tsunamis and my kids' future bad girlfriend/boyfriend choices, there's not really much I can do about these things so I just have to not fret and let things happen.  But sometimes (especially in the early hours of the morning) that is easier said that done.